From The Outside Looking In It's Hard To Understand

Laying there in the MRI machine...

The tears just began to run down my cheeks. I knew no one could see it so I just let them roll out.

Thinking about all the tests that I have lined up and feeling completely helpless for I can't do a damn thing about the results.

Picturing….. Paige as a beautiful bride someday with me helping her with her dress as she gets married and starting a family of her own,Brady embracing the little firecracker he is and following every single one of his dreams while I encourage him through it all,Brad and I rocking in rocking chairs on the front porch with pure white hair laughing together and me still picking on him for being 5 years older than me.

The noise was so loud & suddenly my tears stopped. I thought what am I doing here. I am not giving up.

I don't as of now that I know of have a terminal illness,but I do indeed have many chronic illness's that I know that in days I feel at the end of my rope I just have to learn to tie a knot. I have lost track of the number of times I thought about giving up.

And it's hard sticking it out. You want to run away from it all and pretend it doesn't exists. But that never fixes anything. It's when we stay and persevere even when it's difficult that we prevail.

From the outside looking in it's hard to understand. From the inside looking out it's hard to explain.

But I know one thing without a doubt... and I know just what I need to do. I need to lace up those sneakers and always remember why....

I may not be training for a big run, or a competition. But I am planning for something even better... I am going to save my life and sprinkle my belief in others that it's possible to do anything no matter how hard.

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